You are Beautiful!
Gorgeous babies always stop me in my tracks. Big eyes, adorable smiles, and curly locks usually do me in. Babies also have that fantastic quality of holding your gaze longer than would be socially-acceptable with another adult, and they often look at you as though you are the most interesting person in the world. Babies make us feel like the world is an amazing place and everyone loves everybody. No wonder it is so natural for us to heap heartfelt acclamations of praise on the little darlings.
Twice lately, after telling a couple of parents that their adorable babies had stolen my heart, the parents shared with me a great concern that their child will become vain or equate her value only with her looks because of how often she is told how beautiful she is. "I try to tell her she's smart, too."
While I have no doubt that their one-year-olds were both geniuses, I tried to help allay their concerns that always telling their child how beautiful she is might somehow turn her into a superficial narcissist. What is it exactly that we want for our children to think of themselves? Do we want them to think that their value lies in being smart, being good at things, or having a six pack (neither of these babies did as far as I could tell), or great hair?
What does it really mean to be beautiful?
In the Song of Songs in the Bible, the lover sings to his beloved (widely believed to be an allegory of God and Israel, Christ and the Church, or God and the soul), "You are beautiful, my friend. How beautiful you are!" (ch 4:1). If you keep reading, there is description after description of the beauties of this fair "woman." One gets the idea that with God, love and beauty are somehow intermixed. Not that beauty makes one lovable, but that love makes one beautiful. Beauty isn't something you have to earn. It is what you, who are made in the image of God, already are. As you are.
We have all encountered visually-striking persons whose attitude makes them repulsive, as well as average-looking people who are disarmingly beautiful. St. Paul recalls Isaiah praising the beauty of those rugged feet of the preachers of the good news (cf: Rom 10:15). Beauty is more than a collection of visual features. It implies a relationship.
So I say: Be the echo of God and go ahead and call your babies (and teens, and spouse, and parents!) beautiful or handsome all day long! Do it early and often. When they see how much those who love them unconditionally find them beautiful, they will not be easily won over by false flattery or go out searching for mirror images of their value in a world that offers acceptance only at a price.
"You are beautiful, my child! How beautiful you are!"
Twice lately, after telling a couple of parents that their adorable babies had stolen my heart, the parents shared with me a great concern that their child will become vain or equate her value only with her looks because of how often she is told how beautiful she is. "I try to tell her she's smart, too."
While I have no doubt that their one-year-olds were both geniuses, I tried to help allay their concerns that always telling their child how beautiful she is might somehow turn her into a superficial narcissist. What is it exactly that we want for our children to think of themselves? Do we want them to think that their value lies in being smart, being good at things, or having a six pack (neither of these babies did as far as I could tell), or great hair?
What does it really mean to be beautiful?
In the Song of Songs in the Bible, the lover sings to his beloved (widely believed to be an allegory of God and Israel, Christ and the Church, or God and the soul), "You are beautiful, my friend. How beautiful you are!" (ch 4:1). If you keep reading, there is description after description of the beauties of this fair "woman." One gets the idea that with God, love and beauty are somehow intermixed. Not that beauty makes one lovable, but that love makes one beautiful. Beauty isn't something you have to earn. It is what you, who are made in the image of God, already are. As you are.
We have all encountered visually-striking persons whose attitude makes them repulsive, as well as average-looking people who are disarmingly beautiful. St. Paul recalls Isaiah praising the beauty of those rugged feet of the preachers of the good news (cf: Rom 10:15). Beauty is more than a collection of visual features. It implies a relationship.
So I say: Be the echo of God and go ahead and call your babies (and teens, and spouse, and parents!) beautiful or handsome all day long! Do it early and often. When they see how much those who love them unconditionally find them beautiful, they will not be easily won over by false flattery or go out searching for mirror images of their value in a world that offers acceptance only at a price.
"You are beautiful, my child! How beautiful you are!"
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